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Penpal Project: The weird-letter World

Marlin was just about to go to recess with the others, relieved that so far nothing had gone too horribly wrong -after all, it was his first day at middle school!- when something on the notice board caught his eye.
“Letters around the world – LGBTQIA+-friendly pen pals
Do you feel like you don’t belong? Like no one really understands? Different? Sign up and find others who feel just the same – and perhaps make a friend for life!”
He sighed. He really just wanted to be normal and accepted by the others -he’d seen what happened otherwise through Milo!-, and anyway, what was that weird garble of letters? LGTBCKA? But still. Something on this poster just spoke to him. The world did feel like a bubble to him where everyone had their place, girls and boys, and he was just… outside that bubble. Wrong.
And maybe, just maybe… maybe he’d be accepted there, should the others at school not warm up. He really didn’t understand them. It wasn’t even anything he had done. They’d had one look at his shoulder-long hair and snickered. “What, don’t you know what scissors are? You can use mine if you want, and at least try to look not-horrible…” But he liked his hair! It felt soft and shiny and when he turned his head, it swooshed a little. And then they seemed to follow weird rules nobody had told him about, when something was funny and when laughing was bad, how to greet each other, all that… so he just stuck out even more.

“Hey, you’re new, right? Got a question?”
Marlin almost jumped out of his skin at that, and nervously turned. Had he done something wrong again?
Behind him was one of the other students, wearing a reassuring smile. “Sorry, didn’t want to jump-scare you… at least not on your first day! You just looked a little alone there. Need any help or something, any secret advice? Oh, and by the way, I’m Rowan and my pronouns are they and them.”
She-He- They? paused just long enough to notice his confusion, then explained “you use it like just you would she or he. She talked to me – They talked to me. She forgot her workbook – they forgot their workbook. Which I did by the way, so I’m stuck in here for recess. Ugh! Anyway, it means that I’m neither a boy nor a girl but something called nonbinary. Somewhere in between and a little to the side. Just me, I guess. My parents thought I was a girl at birth and acted like it, and I had a different name back then too. Lemme tell you, I hated it! They just didn’t know better, back then, and neither did I. Of course now they do and they still ignore what I say, but at least now I know and it’s awesome to finally just be *me*! Oh, what’s your name?”
Marlin’s head was spinning from all that information, when they finally paused to take a breath and twirl a lock of their long deep-red hair. He almost gasped. “Wow. It’s so pretty! Betcha Mum would freak out, but Wow!” Their whole face lit up at the mention of that, as if they were expecting mean comments like the ones his classmates made. “Aw, thanks! I love it too.”  – “Wait did I just say that out loud? Gosh I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking…” Mortified, he didn’t dare look up. They’d been so nice and then he just blurted out stupid, and now surely they’d… But they just smiled and put a hand on his shoulder. “No reason to be sorry, it’s good to speak your thoughts! At least my therapist says that… Plus I just love my hair and talking about it. And yup, my parents totally freaked out, but this was just the tip of the iceberg, so…”

Tentatively, he decided to use his chances and pointed at the poster. “I’m Marlin, and I’m just a normal boy – or at least I think so? So that’s what this is about? The weird letters?” At that, Rowan started grinning. “Oh that! Yeah, I put that up. The “weird letters” is lgbtqia+, it’s like a big home for everyone who feels like they don’t feel into the typical roles around us, y’know? Every “are you even a real boy?”, every “act more girlish!”, every “you’re just so weird, can’t you be normal”! Or if you like different people than adults think you should, or something… it’s complicated to explain but I can tell you more later. Have you got a phone already? I can give you my number… Oh, why’d you ask about it? Are you interested? I’m so so happy I found the program. It’s been the most “home” place for me for years now. I promise, people there are safe, and nobody is gonna be mean. They know how you feel… Oh, I’m blabbering, am I? You know what? I think your pals are coming back. But on the first floor there’s a computer room anyone can use, and at recess it’s empty, like, always. Why don’t you just think about it and sign up when you’re ready. Oh… and if you don’t wanna do it alone or just need a friend to talk to, you can text me, ‘kay? Here, quick.” They hurriedly wrote their number down on his arm and then watched Marlin skip over to his friends, almost bumping into other students from being so lost in thought.
They smiled. That boy… he just had something. How did one of their books say? Kindred souls recognize each other. Well, who knew. But they’d sure given him a lot to think about. Had they been too quick, too bold? Well, they’d done their best and that was all one could ask for, the therapist’s voice reminded her. When the class gong went off they jumped almost like the boy – Marlin -, then ran to computer class, smiling at the memory.

A couple of days later, Marlin got into bed and tried to sleep, but he just kept drifting back to that first week. Classes hadn’t been too hard, although he just could not seem to figure out the abstract problems they now had in math. Letters belonged in Stories and not in stupid Math Problems. “Find the x… find yourself!”, he grumbled. But if it didn’t get better, he might try asking Rowan – they’d mentioned struggling with English, and that was, like, his only good subject. Or he could try asking Milo in exchange for some chores – or for covering when he snuck out to his beloved telescope in a thunderstorm again. His life, his choice, Marlin shrugged silently. And he was careful after all… just not enough for their mama. She had so many opinions on how they should be, just like the kids at school. The other boys had continued to tease him about his hair, his clothes, his speaking… he suspected they had just decided to pick on him and would take everything they found no matter how much he tried. One day they’d cornered him with scissors and said that if he let them snip off that “raggedy lump of hair” and destroyed his shirt maybe they’d leave him be. Maybe. But he’d run off instead to look for Rowan and some advice. Sometimes their words, and the fact that not all kids were like that, were the only things that got him through the school day.

“Listen. Others are always gonna have an opinion of you. Sometimes that’s based on actual stuff you might’ve done wrong, sometimes they’ve just decided to not like you and nothing you ever do will change that. And even if you make mistakes it’s ok, you apologize and learn from it. That’s human. Just do the best you can that day, and that’s all anybody should ask for. Now people don’t always know that, just take my parents, and some are unteachable. But then you at least know they’re angry because they don’t want to see the truth and not because you did something wrong.”
Rowan really sounded like a grownup sometimes, saying wise stuff like that. But nice – like the wise owl in stories that listens and helps.
“And if I’ve learned one thing… Being an outsider for who you are is super difficult, not gonna lie. But what hurts even more is betraying yourself and pushing into a form others made for you even if it doesn’t fit at all. You know? You can’t make an egg flat, not unless you destroy it. And if you are brave, if you stay true to yourself then you’re gonna somehow find your way – and there will be people who go with you and are there for you. If you ever need someone like that, I’m here, ‘kay? Just… I know it’s hard to be the bullies’ target, and you’ll end up doubting yourself even more. But that’s what they want. They want you to forget who you are and do how they say instead of what you feel is right. And only you get to decide that. I’m blabbering stuff, they’re blabbering stuff, and you do whatever feels like the next right thing. One step at a time.” Then, they’d chuckled. “look at me, I almost sound like my therapist” – which was apparently one of these wise-owl people who helped you find your way if you got lost, just listening and giving advice – “Say, you any good at English? I’m completely lost, I’d be so stoked for a hint or two…”

Thinking back to that, he finally decided. He still wasn’t sure about the pen pal thing, but if he was gonna be brave and do his own thing he’d need friends. And perhaps that was how he could find them. Rowan had done it… And sure, Rowan was here already, but they had so much going on with their family and friends and other projects, they might get bored of him at any moment. After all, what could a little first-grader give them once the newness wore off? Shaking his head, he decided that was just stupid. Her choice, and he wouldn’t be able to do anything anyways. So he might as well continue to be nice and enjoy the company while it was there. And ask them to help him sign up so he wouldn’t make a fool of himself. He didn’t know anything about that weird-letter-world where people could just be themselves, and they did…

Taking out a deep breath, he took out his phone and scrolled down to “Rowan :)”.
“hey, it’s Marlin – from school. Thought about the penpal stuff… would you be ok helping me sign up? Thanks, M.” Stunned, he saw the “online” sign lighting up, he’d never thought to actually get an answer right away! Trying to keep hold of his bravery, he watched the answer bubbles appear…  
“hey Marlin, I’m so happy you texted! And of course I’ll help you. Tell you what, I’ll give you the form for your mom, and we can meet in E14 , Monday during recess. We can work on your application, and maybe I’ll make you help with my English project. Been on it all afternoon, and still no idea what to talk about! See you, R. :)”
Texting a quick smiley back, he closed his eyes and finally drifted to sleep.

After a Weekend full of fidgeting and nervousness, it was finally recess on Monday and he’d found room E14. He sat down nervously at one of the computers, Rowan beside him. “Hey… Really, thanks for helping me do this. I wanna be brave, just… “ They squeezed his hand and pointed at the website. “That’s what friends are for, and I’d like to be your friend if you let me. Now let’s do this! First they explain a bunch of stuff, I’ll just let you read that, ask away if you don’t understand.” So he read…

"Letters around the world - LGBTQIA+-friendly pen pals - wants to help children connect with each other, especially ones who are in the process of figuring out their identity and/or sexuality. We aim to ensure that everyone has a friend to talk to and seek advice from, even if other Sims in your life aren't as easy to talk to about personal problems. And of course, you'll just be able to chat with your pen pal, have a good time and find a friend for life! During the sign-up process, Adults will verify the information given and will always be available in the case of problems. All Nationalities, Identities and Sexualities are welcomed, and Action will be taken immediately and severely to chastise harassment. In this way, we are able to ensure that minors will always be safe when using our pen-pal service. Information on the Sign-up process can be found at the bottom of this page."

He couldn’t help smile. “That sounds awesome! And it really works just like that? No hidden traps? Mama always says internet people are mean and dangerous…” At that, Rowan giggled. “well, some are, just like in real life. Some people are mean and some are nice, so you if you’re cautious you should be ok. Don’t get in someone’s car, don’t tell strangers your name or address, all that stuff. And here, there’s good people watching out so everyone is safe.”

He thought for a minute, then decided: “well, I guess it’s ok then. And just think, people like you on the other side of the screen, who are nice and make me feel understood, and who feel different like I do… I guess that’s worth being brave.”
Then, Voices in the hallway brought him back to the blank screen: recess would end soon and there was still the English project to get to!

'Please get your parent or guardian’s permission to participate in this project. We will provide a form that your parent or legal guardian has to sign. Please attach a photo or Scan of it at the end of this application. If you don’t know how that works, you can ask your parent, guardian or a librarian.'

Well… He’d already done that. Once he’d explained it was about finding friends and writing letters, Mama had gotten over her hesitation of ‘scary internet stuff’ pretty fast. He suspected she’d been afraid of him being a loner like Milo… not that that was bad. It just seemed very lonely, not having anyone on your side (not counting stars and books!). And she always says she just wants us to be happy, so that should be more important than how she feels about stuff, right? So… Bravery. Happiness. It’d be worth it.

“Name: (Do not use your real name!)”

.. hm. Why did they have to make it so hard?, Marlin wondered. Seeing him pause, Rowan volunteered “pretty hard, huh? After all we usually just keep the name we got at birth… I took one of my favourite book characters in the end, liked the sound too. And now it’s my new real name too. Perhaps that helps?” Huh. Book characters. Marlin took a mental look at his book shelf… Eragon, Lord of the Swings, Aguila and Jaguar… Aguila! That was it! Selvadoradian for Eagle, and the Book-Aguila was all about being herself and being brave too. And it sounded much like Marlin… like him. Not boyish or girlish or anything. Somewhere in between and a little to the side… Yes, that’d work, he decided. “Aguila”.

Age Bracket and Profession: 

Huh? He looked at Rowan questioningly. “oh, that. Just say student and your age. It’s because everyone can sign up”, they explained, then whispered: “my grandma actually did, she was so lonely and she wanted to understand me better… isn’t that nice of her? But don’t tell my mother, she’d be so furious!” 

“What are your pronouns, and who or what do you identify as?”

“Or what?” he read aloud, then giggled nervously. “As in, I could be an eagle and then jump from the roof?” At that, Rowan giggled too. “Well… perhaps don’t try that. Or at least get a parachute, and for Creator’s sake do not tell your mama I said that! So I think it is because they really wanted to make clear that everyone’s welcome. And also, some people have been through really nasty stuff by other people so they don’t want to be people anymore, but instead just them. Does that help?” At that, Marlin shrugged, but it made sense… their life, their choice. Which just left the question… what was he gonna answer? Normal boy? Nonbinary? After a few minutes, he decided to just go with the truth. They hadn’t said to “just answer the question”, like Mrs Wilson always did!
“Well… I don’t know? I just learned about LGBTQUIA+ last week, and before I’ve been just a normal boy. Or at least tried to. My friend Rowan told me about being nonbinary and that it means being neither a boy nor a girl, but somewhere in between and a little to the side… But you can just say he/him like before I think.”

'Describe yourself and your family relationships in a few sentences:'

Then, the next question. Now they were really getting down to it… but basically, this was just like English lessons. Okay then… He sat for a while, typed, deleted, until he felt satisfied.

“I have quite a big family, and am the third of four kids. My mama grows flowers in our back yard and puts them together in vases really pretty. Once I tried to help, but I was still little and almost destroyed the flowers, so she got angry at me… Now, all of us kids know to just leave her flowers be. My dad does some kind of business work, I don’t really know, and in his free time he carves furniture and fixes our stuff every time something breaks. Our house is kinda old, so things break a lot. Mama always says she loves the “oldentime feel” (whatever that is) but she’s so lucky to have married dad who actually knows how to get the stuff to work.
Then there’s my big brother Milo. He loves astronomy and rocks and thunderstorms and says he wants to find life outside the simverse one day. And if I help him with chores, I can always get help with math! Sometimes I tease him that he likes his stars and books more than people and his best friend is his telescope… but he just laughs and agrees. Isn’t that weird? I mean, totally without friends? And I can’t even imagine school for him… but I guess he’s got his head too deep in “important research” (he says in grownup voice) to really notice.
My big sister Kiara is almost the total opposite. She seems to never stop talking, always being on her phone and on social media (she won’t let me look cause apparently I’m too little for that stuff… ugh!). Her best friend Riley is over really often and together they block our swingset all day long, just chattering about school and trends and boys… But Kiara has so pretty hair, all swirly, and she always braids it with flowers in it. I loved to try and touch the curls when I was little, but now she won’t let me anymore. She says it’s weird… I don’t know about that, but it’s her hair, so okay. I wish mine was curly like that.
Then there’s me (here was more text but I put it to the next question), and the last of us kids is my little brother Timon. He’s just gotten out of the crib and already gets into everything. The last time all my stuff was totally in chaos because he was “just curious”… and he’s bragging to everyone he meets that he’ll be a big sportssim one day and super strong and super fast. “Super-Timon”… can you imagine? But I guess it’s kinda sweet, and his life either way. I just want him to leave my things be, that can’t be so hard, can it? And if he really got strong, I wouldn’t have to carry the groceries for Mama anymore.
Oh, and we also have a dog, Laika. She’s really nice and cuddly and sometimes I let her sleep in my room when Mama isn’t looking – she isn’t supposed to go upstairs.”
Well… that was already “half a novel”, Mrs Wilson would say, but they didn’t limit his sentences… right?

'Describe yourself, your hobbies and interests:'

Uh… this was not easy at all. Who was he, really? How was he? Well… he could just start with school. “I like school, especially understanding why things are the way they are in the word and between people. People do so much weird stuff and say “it just works like that” without giving a reason, when it doesn’t make sense at all… I think if I understood all these rules and whys better maybe they wouldn’t think I’m weird anymore? Maybe not, but it’s fascinating anyway.
My favourite subjects are English and art, and I like most analysing books and our current unit about textures, where we use clay and fabrics and wood. It’s like hair, just feels nice to touch and wants you to reveal who they are, who they can be and who they want to be inside. I’m also really interested in other cultures and music and dancing, and my dream would be to go to Selvadoradia. What I don’t like at all are ball sports and math. I just can’t seem to figure out what the letters are doing inside equations and how to get them out… they should have stayed in their stories! After school, I like swinging when Kiara doesn’t block it, and I dance a lot to get all the movement out of my body. And I have a block of clay at home too I play around with.”
Like that? Wasn’t it too weird? Well, just who he was. They said this was to find friends who understood him… so maybe it’d just work out.

'How many pen pals are you interested in acquiring?'

Um… wasn’t one more than enough? You could have more?, Marlin thought surprised. But what if you got busy and weren’t able to write as much so they’d be disappointed and get sad? No, better to just try this with one. And if he didn’t screw it up he could always come back, right?
Shrugging, he put a “1” in the text box and read the next question. If he didn’t hurry he’d be late for class!

'What qualities do you seek in a pen pal?'

Well… a friend? A nice person? But what made people nice or not nice? And why did so many nice people still not “get” him?
He thought about his family, his siblings, the nice kids at school, the mean kids at school… Yes. That was it. His “weirdness”. Even Kiara said he was weird, and he should try to be more normal… What was so wrong about how he was? Well, he didn’t even know how and who he was, but how was he supposed to find out like that?
“Well… I wish most for someone who can accept me. Who doesn’t make fun of me or says I’m too weird to play with or I should be more like the other kids, more normal, and why do I speak so funny. And perhaps they’ll even “get” that feeling – to always be wrong and different, to not know who you am and who you want to be because you always put on the ill-fitting “I’m a normal boy” mask. I can’t really explain… But at the end just someone who’s nice to me and likes me with all my bumps and weird spots. And I promise to do the same.”

'Would you have a desire to meet your pen pal face-to-face?'

Meet them? The penpal? It might either be really nice, or really awkward in their busy house with his siblings butting in and something breaking all the time, and what if they were disappointed when meeting him face-to-face… but it could also be nice, they could sit on the swings like Kiara and Riley and talk all day… Finally, he decided on “Maybe?”.

'Please describe, in as much detail as possible, your reason for wanting to join the pen pal project:'

How did Rowan put it? A place where how you are isn’t wrong or bad, and where nobody tells you to be different. A world without the bubbles he was always bumping into, destroying, poking out of… “School, my family, it’s all like a bubble where people fit into what’s expected, they are how the world wants them to be and act how they should. And I just seem – different? Not to sound stuck-up. But I always bump into these invisible rules and bubbles, or poke out and get told off… just a little too weird, a little too different from the role others want me to play. And this here, the world of penpals and LGBTQUIA+ people, seems different somehow. Where everyone can just be how they are and nobody is weird but it’s just ok to poke out somewhere. Where people “get” each other’s weirdness, like a big home where nobody needs to act normal. I can’t quite imagine that, but I think it might feel nice… I don’t even know how I am and who I am, but I guess, if I can find out anywhere, it’s that “safe space” where nobody is mean. I don’t know if that makes sense but I can’t explain any better.”

'How did you hear about our website?'

“My friend Rowan has been using it for a while already and put a poster up on our school’s notice board, which I saw”, he explained. Simple as that, right? And as he tried to thank Rowan for their help, the gong above their heads drowned everything out.

'Choose a password for your account, review your application and make any necessary revisions or corrections, then please click “Save”. You can always come back and edit your answers later, and/or add your guardian's filled out form. Once everything is completed to your satisfaction, please click the link to "Submit" your application. Only click once. Do not click “Refresh” or the back button on your browser. You will then be taken to an information page describing our selection process and how long it might take to match you with your new penpal(s). Please read, then keep an eye on your email - we will email you with any further questions, and, eventually, the name and information your new pen pal entered in their sign-up form. You will not, however, be given access to their real email address (for safety reasons), and all your letters will be screened by our computer (as well as kept confidential!) before being forwarded to your penpal. Thank you for your wishes to participate in “Letters around the world”, and happy writing!'

He quickly scanned the last paragraph, clicked “accept” and shouted to Rowan “Thanks so much, and let’s do your English tomorrow!” while already running to class… He barely got to his seat before the teacher came, but he made it. But he’d done it, he’d been brave and maybe he’d really find another real friend through this…

A couple of days later, Marlin hesitantly stole a few computer minutes after dinner to look for answers. And – there – 1 notification!

“Hello Aguila, we’re so happy you decided to sign up. If there is any problems, or you have any questions, you can just write us a message here and we’ll answer as soon as we can. And remember, there are no stupid questions!
For now, we’ve matched you with another pen pal Applicant, Caelan (they/them). Please write a quick letter to them, a little introduction, just to get your conversation going. You can click on their name and write it directly to them, and then they’ll write you back and so on.
Greetings, the “Letters around the world”-Team.”

Whoa… someone wanted to write him? At least try? What if he screwed it up? And what a pretty name, Caelan! Taking a deep breath, he recalled everything he knew about being polite and nice and started typing…

“Dear Caelan,
I just got the message that we’ll be pen pals from now on! I’m a bit nervous but I can’t wait to get your first letter and get to know you better!
So, I’m Aguila, I’m have two older siblings and a baby brother, and I use the pronouns he/him. I just found out about LGBTQUIA a week ago when I started middle school, and my friend Rowan says not knowing yet who you are is called “questioning your identity”. So yeah.
Rowan is also who showed me the site, they’re really nice and we help each other with homework, which is good because I suck at math. I like English, art and other cultures. I’m really into Selvadoradian dancing and music and art… it’s just so colourful and pretty. Full of life, Mrs Wilson says (she teaches English and Art and she’s really good at understanding the world). At home I do stuff with clay a lot, dance, or swing in our back yard.
I’ll include a selfie I took in front of a poster in my room – I was begging for weeks to get it, it’s like a piece of fun and life inside my room. And… well, that’s me.
What about you, what do you like? And I just want to say that I think your nickname sounds so pretty!
I look forward to hearing from you,
Aguila
(Mrs Wilson says this is how each letter has to end but I think it sounds so bulky. Why can’t we just say Bye like when we talk?) “

He read through everything, then decided this was as much “him” as he’d be able to with a kid he didn’t know. Reminding himself to be brave, he attached the photo, pressed “send”, and hurriedly shut down the computer. It’d be hard enough to go to sleep as it was, without worrying about that all night!

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